Thanks to a tip from firebreath
, I tried in vain to make the perfect boyfriend online from this handy site: http://tools.gurl.com/games/cyber_sweetie
Of course after I answered a few key questions I ended up with Sid.
He's a hippie and he's freakin' annoying.
This is the first thing he said to me:
"Peace, Bonnie. May your cosmic willow tree grow and prosper. I'm Sid. You've got such a well-balanced vibe, maybe you meditate? I wish we could write together and I wish I could make you my special wheatgrass and spirulina soy milk shake. It's amazing. Please come visit me often. Your vibe is very calming."
And what kind of line is "May your cosmic willow tree grow and prosper," anyway? I mean he's cute for a cartoon. But he's boring, and fake sounding and I bet he uses those lame crystal rocks instead of real deodorant, so he probably smells like stale insense and BO.
And then he tries to win me over by saying:
"I wish I could make you a love bead necklace to celebrate our spiritual connection, Bonnie."
What spiritual connection? So far all you want me to do is drink your icky green health shakes. That's not exactly mind-altering love, now is it, Sid?
He keeps going thinking he's on a roll:
"Your eyes are such a rich shade of hazel. Do you eat low-sodium?"
I just ate a plate full of french fries when I MADE you, Sid.
So no, I don't eat low-sodium.
For a final try to woo me he says:
"Hey, Bonnie, I'm itching to get some fresh air. Wish I could take you to a drum circle. I wish we could play hackysack together."
So I broke up with him. He lost me at "drum circle." As if.
I can't believe my fake boyfriend is a bust.
I suppose I'll stick to looking for the real thing. Eh.